According to Bridges (1998) The major mission of caregiving is to promote independence by maintaining the person with dementia, or other illness, in his/her most functional state – physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

When taking care of others, the gift of our attention is valuable, virtuous, and effective.  It is also very difficult.  Forgive yourself for becoming annoyed, tired, lonely, frustrated, or any of the other emotions that may arise.  
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The need for respite – No one can maintain the constant keenness and intensity of mental attention or the constant level of physical assistance that is required in caring for a person with dementia or other illnesses.  Times of respite are essential to avoiding Compassion Fatigue. 
 
A Caregiver's Bill of Rights
By Jo Horne

I have the right:

• To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my loved one.
• To seek help from others even though my loved ones may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.
• To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do some things just for myself.
• To get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings occasionally.
• To reject any attempts by my loved one (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, and/or depression.
• To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance for what I do, from my loved ones, for as long as I offer these qualities in return.
• To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my loved one.
• To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my loved one no longer need my full-time help.
• To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired persons in our country, similar strides will be made towards aiding and supporting caregivers.

Life is not what it's supposed to be. It's what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
Virginia Satir

           916-225-3570   cj@cjwatterslaw.com    http://www.cjwatterslaw.com

When you truly listen to someone you can help them heal past their dark emotions.

Without a listener, the healing process is aborted.

Human beings, like plants that bend toward the sunlight,

bend toward others in an innate healing tropism.

There are times when being truly listened to

is more critical than being fed.

Listening well to another’s pain

is a primary form of nurturance,

capable of healing even the most devastating

of human afflictions…

~ Miriam Greenspan

During meetings with clients to discuss estate planning I am often asked:

“Is a POLST different from an Advanced Health Care Directive?”

The answer is YES - An Advanced Health Care Directive allows you to choose the person you want to speak for you, and provides a general guide to what you want. 

A POLST form is different because:

POLST is for the seriously ill;

POLST tells your exact wishes about certain medical treatments;

POLST is a signed medical order that your health care team can act upon, and

POLST goes with you to your home, your hospital, or your long-term care facility.  It goes where you go.

Everyone should have an Advanced Health Care Directive.  Seriously ill people should have a POLST and an Advanced Health Care Directive.

Doctors say that any seriously ill patient should have a POLST form.  Filling out a POLST is completely up to you.  It’s your choice.

The POLST form must be signed by your doctor and you or the person you pick to make decisions for you.  The information on the form can be changed by you and your doctor.

POLST makes your treatment wishes known to doctors and other members of your health care team.  Too often, patients near the end of their lives may get treatment they do not want.  POLST gives you a way to tell doctors, nurses, and other health care team members what types of treatment you want.

POLST makes your wishes clear to your family members and caregivers.  Sometimes, family members have their own ideas about what types of treatment their loved ones would want. POLST makes sure your family members and caregivers know exactly what treatments you do and do not want.  No one has to guess or argue.

The POLST form lists some of the medical treatments you can choose to have or not have, including:

• Resuscitation
• DNR
• Comfort Measures
• Antibiotics
• Intravenous (IV) Fluids
• Artificial Nutrition/Tube Feeding

It is important for you to understand what each of these options means and to talk with your doctor before making any decision.  You can then make an informed choice regarding the treatment options you want and don’t want. 


If you want to find out more about POLST, give me a call for a consultation.

​916-225-3570   cj@cjwatterslaw.com    http://www.cjwatterslaw.com

Henry, an elderly Alzheimer's patient in an American nursing home, recently became a viral star. In a short video that has been viewed millions of times online, he starts out slumped over and unresponsive — but undergoes a remarkable transformation as he listens to music on a pair of headphones.

A documentary called Alive Inside, which follows social worker Dan Cohen as he creates personalized iPod playlists for people in elder care facilities, hoping to reconnect them with the music they love. Cohen tells NPR's Melissa Block that the video of Henry is a great example of the link between music and memory.

"He is able to actually answer questions and speak about his youth, and this is sort of the magic of music that's familiar for those with dementia," Cohen says. "Even though Alzheimer's and various forms of dementia will ravage many parts of the brain, long-term memory of music from when one was young remains very often. So if you tap that, you really get that kind of awakening response. It's pretty exciting to see."

Cohen says his goal is to make access to personalized music the standard of care at nursing facilities. An early concern, he says, was that headphones might isolate the patients even further. But when he first implemented the project on a large scale in 2008, putting 200 iPods in four facilities around New York, he got the opposite result: a flood of stories from the staff about increased socialization.

"People wanted to share their music with others: 'Here, you've gotta listen to this,' or 'What was the name of that song?' “Cohen says.”The music is great, but to me, perhaps the even bigger win is people having better and more relationships with those around them."

Dan Cohen's Tips On Music And The Elderly

Get the playlist right. Find out the person's tastes and create a varied mix: no more than five to seven songs per artist. Have them weed out tracks that are so-so, so you end up with 100 or 200 songs that all resonate.

Keep it simple. Make sure the elder knows how to use the player, or that someone nearby can help. Use over-ear headphones rather than earbuds, which can fall out.

Be patient. It can take time to reach the music memory. If the person is responding, feel free to sing along. If someone doesn't like the headphones, try a small speaker at first and incorporate the headphones gradually over time.

Keep it special. Don't leave the player on all the time. Nursing homes are finding it works well during transitions: If someone is hesitant to take a bath or eat or get dressed, music may help move things along.

Cohen admits that the realities of funding and staffing mean that not all nursing homes will have the appetite for this level of individualized care. However, he points out that the pace of technological advancement is making iPods cheaper and easier to round up.

"My goal has been to find ways of bringing the cost down to zero," he says. "Since there have been so many generations of new digital devices that come fast and furious, we have the old iPods — many of us in our drawers at home — so let's bring them in. On Long Island, there are five school districts that are running iPod donation drives."

Cohen says that, ultimately, the project is about helping people remember who they are.

"When you leave your home, you leave your family, you leave your surroundings and you go into a new environment; it's tough," he says. "So anything that you can maintain or stay connected with that relates to you is helpful. And what's more core to your being than music?"